Pre-Birth
· Male fetus: reflexive erections in-utero
Birth - Age 3
Normal Behavior
· Initial contact with others is through the senses
· Primary gratification comes from sucking, being held, stroked, handled
· Reflexive erections common in boys
· Randomly grabs own genitals as early infant
· Exploratory play with genitals common in boys 6-7 months, in girls 10-11 months
· Rhythmic rocking for genital stimulation
· Interest in and talk about eliminative/sexual body parts during toilet training
· Beginning awareness of gender identity and role differences
· Curious about male/female body differences and urination postures
Child is Learning
· That touching and physical expression of affection is good
· About differences between boys' and girls' bodies
Appropriate Tasks for Parents
· Holding, hugging, tickling, caressing infant
· Expressing physical affection among family members
Preschool: Ages 3-5
Normal Behavior
· Curious about differences between male and female bodies
· Talk about anatomical differences between males and females
· Increased interest in bathroom/dressing activities of others
· Name calling/word games about body parts and functions
· Mutual games between that involve showing each other their body parts
· Mutual exploration of body parts between children. This can involve stroking, kissing, and touching genitals. This behavior is not usually planned; it is more opportunistic
· Conscious masturbation for pleasurable feelings, usually without penetration by fingers or objects
· Questions regarding urination, pregnancy and delivery. Child may have questions regarding intercourse and conception if s/he has observed or overheard sexual behavior, or if child has seen X-rated movies. Child may have questions about breast-feeding, especially if the mother is nursing.
Child is Learning
· The difference between male and female methods of urination
· Basic gender identity
· That there is a special type of emotional relationship between adults
· Child may be capable of learning that a baby begins as an egg in his/her mother's uterus and grows there until s/he is big enough to be born; that babies are delivered through the vagina, or by Cesarean section.
· Some children will learn what intercourse is. Most children do not have questions about intercourse unless an older child has told them about it, or they have observed it. Even after explanation about intercourse most children are not able to conceptualize that the penis has two functions and thinks that the man urinates into the woman. Some children are troubled by this information, or find it too stimulating.
Appropriate Tasks for Parents
· Answer child's questions about body parts, urination, pregnancy, delivery and intercourse honestly and in concrete, simple terms. The parent should not give the child more information than s/he asks for.
· Teach the child that dressing, going to the bathroom, and bathing should be done in private
· Acknowledge that stimulation of the genitals is pleasurable; set limits on the child's masturbation by redirecting the behavior when it is interfering with other activities. Teach the child that masturbation should occur in private.
· Teach child about appropriate and inappropriate touching; that their bodies belong to them; that s/he should not touch anyone in a private; that s/he can say no to unwanted touching from children and adults; that children can say no to him/her; and that s/he should tell an adult if anyone touches him/her in a way that s/he doesn't like.
· Set limits regarding exploratory sex play
· Help child use acceptable terms for body parts and functions
· Encourage child to believe in the integrity of his/her own body
School-Aged: 6-9
Normal Behavior
· Increased focus on male/female roles
· Practices social roles through play activities (playing school, store, family, work)
· Questions regarding pregnancy, birth, intercourse
· Competitive games involving urination and sexual activity such as "peeing contests", strip poker, truth/dare, stripping for club initiation
· Mutual touching (stroking, rubbing, open-mouthed kissing, re-enacting intercourse but without penetration and only with clothes on
· Experimenting with sexual swearing
· Looks for nude pictures in books, magazines, catalogs
· Private masturbation
· Talks about sex with same-gender friends
Child is Learning
· About conception, intercourse
· About menstruation, wet dreams, sperm
· About why some babies are boys and others are girls
· About male and female roles in the adult world
· About emotional intimacy between males and females
Appropriate Tasks for Parents
· Provide accurate information about intercourse and conception
· Set limits to sexual games
· Provide accurate, non-sexist information regarding roles and relationships between men and women and their roles in the adult world
· Model emotional intimacy between men and women
· Respect child's privacy
· Teach child that people must act responsibly regarding sexual behavior
Preadolescence: Ages 10-12
Normal Behavior
· Puberty (including menstruation and wet dreams) begins for some children
· Giggling and talking about physical changes
· Child feels awkward about physical changes in his/her body; worries about developing too slowly or too rapidly; is concerned and embarrassed about physical changes
· Focuses on own body development and compares him/herself to same gender peers
· Reads information about sex with avid interest
· Intense interest in viewing other's bodies
· Discreet masturbation
· Some children may begin sexual/romantic fantasies
· Boy-girl social relationships begin: flirting, hand holding, kissing, spending time together
· Boy-girl involvement with sexual exploration is with approximately same-aged peers
· Erections result from erotic as well as non-erotic stimuli
Child is Learning
· The mechanical and emotional aspects of adult sexuality
· That his/her body is changing
· How to behave around members of the opposite sex (beginning understanding)
Appropriate Adult Roles
· Provide supervised situations in which groups of boys and girls can participate in joint activities (recreational, church or school affiliated)
· Teach about responsibility within relationships
· Teach about consequences regarding sexual behavior (STDs, AIDs, pregnancy)
· Model caring and responsible relationship between adults who are emotionally intimate
Adolescence: Age 13+
Normal Behavior
· Solidification of gender identity via modeling
· Sexual joking, sexual obscenities, discuss physical attributes of specific members of the opposite sex
· Co-ed focus in social activities; dating begins
· Girls are usually attracted to boys who are slightly older; boys are usually attracted to girls who are slightly younger
· Interest in viewing bodies of opposite sex
· Discreet masturbation
· Appreciation of erotica
· May experiment with homosexual relationships and sexual activity
· Hugging, kissing, "making out"
· Mutual masturbation, simulated intercourse, foreplay
Child is Learning
· The social and emotional implications of dating, choosing a mate, sexual intimacy, and sexual identity
· Appropriate flirting, courting and dating behavior
· How to set limits with others regarding his/her involvement in sexual activity
· The implications of emotional commitment in a romantic relationship
Appropriate Parental Roles
· Parents should engage the child in open, honest discussions regarding appropriate dating behavior, emotional and sexual intimacy, sexual identity, emotional commitment
· Parents should discuss responsibilities regarding interpersonal commitment and intimacy involved in dating relationships, and regarding avoiding pregnancy, STDs, and AIDs
· Parents should teach teens not to exploit other people socially, emotionally, or sexually
· Since teens may be embarrassed to talk with their parents about the above, the parent should provide the child access to other trusted adults (church member, relatives, guidance counselors, etc.)
· Parents should set appropriate limits regarding dating (i.e., age at which dating will be allowed, curfew, etc.)
· Parents should be open to questions and values expressed by the teen
